Checking for a pulse

Unbelievable.  I have nothing but time on my hands in these past few months, and yet I struggle to make time to do something... ANYTHING.  Depressed?  maybe a tad.  For the most part, I think I am suffering from a lack of drive.  I am completing my weekly assignments for school, and find ways to entertain myself, but I am otherwise out of the loop; disconnected.  Not working is a hard adjustment.  I'm applying.  Hopefully I'll have good news soon. 


Hopefully.

where honesty got me ...

Just today I received word that i'm ineligible for unemployment beneifits.  I am appealing that decision. 

Forced into a commute that nearly killed my job once before (the other option being to take a paltry severence and start unemployment after), then denied a local opening within the company because of trouble resulting from said commute.  Even though I don't have the paper to back me up, any supervisor I had would tell you I was overqualified for the position I held, and that I did my job well.  I loved my job: what I did for the customers, and the company. 

I refused to play the game.  I shouldered the blame for things that I was responsible for.  I can't count how many around me abused the system, and state laws, to their benefit and  to retain their employment.  I'm not saying I didn't know those who were clearly entitled.  I couldn't, in good conscience, apply and/or receive benefit for something I shouldn't be awarded.  I'd hoped that my work ethic, and quality of work, would stand for something: that our customer's opinion of me (so voiced through surveys and voicemails) would carry some weight.  Yet here I sit, while complacent individuals collect on the benefit of their deceptions and games, passing the buck and making up answers on the fly: too lazy to use the resources made available to them by the company, or perhaps horribly under-qualified.  Warm bodies filling desks and providing mediocre service (though their "customer service" scores surely say otherwise on paper). 

This is what I get for caring about the work I did, believing I was making a difference.  This is what happens when I'm too honest to work the system for personal gain.  I can't even get unemployment assistance.

Holiday spirit?

This has been a year of change to be sure.  Some good, some not, some for the best.  A real mixed bag.  I've been places, both physical and emotinal, that I never expected to be.
As I walked through the mall I passed by, and occasionaly wandered into, all the familiar places that today felt foreign somehow.  Like shadows, memory of another time played out before my eyes.  Here and now, preparing for the season of giving, I found myself at a loss.  Disjointed.  Out of place.  This time of year often puts things in perspective; reminds us of what we have, and have lost.  I'm reminds me now of what isn't.  Even having come through one holiday, and taking inventory of what I am thankful for, I feel like I'm missing out.
I put these thoughts aside, and focus on what I have.  I am very fortunate.  I do everything I can to improve things there.  Still I wonder, "what if?".

... we have moved ...

I have relocated my blog posts concerning end of the world prophecy.  You can now find it here:  http://thingyet2come.blogspot.com/. 

Those who have been subscribing to "My Two Cents" can expect to see the return of random normalcy, but for those keeping track, I now have an ambitious THREE blogs that I am going to attempt to juggle.  You are reading the first, and have a link to the third (above), the second one is titled "Heart In Rhyme".  Click on that title to read my poetry, or that of my favorite poets.

As always, I certainly appreciate the time you take to read what I type, and welcome all manner of comment and/or feedback you wish to leave.

a time to laugh, a time to cry

If you know where I work, fine, if not, it's not important.

The only thing consistent is that everything changes. I fought for eight months of 50 mile commutes one direction to find a way to work here in town (ref: June/July 2006 blog post).
Lady Luck is a fickle mistress indeed. Before the new month is out, I will again be driving 100 miles a day. At least I am still employed.

There is never a good way to break bad news to someone, let alone an office full of people dependant on the money you are paying them. I would have been a little more positive - build a sense of need or value. Instead we get glad handed. "Thanks for your hard work." "We appreciate all your efforts." Follow that up with justification and explanation, then sneak the elephant into the room and hope that no one absolutely wigs out.

I am numb. I've become accustomed to certain things that may not be now. I've looked forward to a time that may never come. This change doesn't affect the probability of that time coming, but it certainly evicerates my optimism.

To all of you that share in my fate today, I am here. I will be there. I hope you will as well.

Serenity Prayer

It has been way too long since I've taken the time to tap out my thoughts on keyboard. I wish I meant that musically ... that's a different train of thought for another time ...

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

The rub of this prayer is the pairing of situations with the skill/ability that is requested.

Serenity to accept ...
A la Alanis' "jagged little pill", it is supremely difficult to accept something as it is when you want for it to be something else. It is hard to swallow. Yet the request isn't for a sugar coating; for acceptance, or the ability TO accept. Whatever the unchangeable is, the request is for serenity - peace, calm, confidence. It's easy to drown when you are thrashing about in the ocean, but if you are calm and relax your body, you float (some of us better than others, but you get my drift).

Courage to change ...
Again, the request made is NOT "Change it for me". How much time is spent selfishly praying exactly that? Grant me courage! Give me strength! Why courage/strength? The petitioner has some idea what is changeable, or maybe more apt would be to say correctable, hence the request at all. the changeable is a point of growth, even a crossroads. How much easier is it to go with the current than to plant your feet and push back against it.

Wisdom to discern ...
How hard could it be to tell them apart - wanting what can't be acquired/accomplished vs. not wanting to correct something that is necessary? How often are they two sides of the same coin? That is definitely a hard pill to swallow.

Read it all again!!

I'd appreciate any feedback you as readers are willing to give, and now you can leave instant feedback on a blog post. check a box at the bottom of any post to let me know (anonymously) what you think. separate check boxes exist for each blog.

Using the Blog archive pull down menu to the upper left, you can read anything I've posted and check a box for feedback. If you have suggestions for additional and/or replacement check boxes, let me know that too.

(blogging really is more fun if readers become participants).