Holiday spirit?

This has been a year of change to be sure.  Some good, some not, some for the best.  A real mixed bag.  I've been places, both physical and emotinal, that I never expected to be.
As I walked through the mall I passed by, and occasionaly wandered into, all the familiar places that today felt foreign somehow.  Like shadows, memory of another time played out before my eyes.  Here and now, preparing for the season of giving, I found myself at a loss.  Disjointed.  Out of place.  This time of year often puts things in perspective; reminds us of what we have, and have lost.  I'm reminds me now of what isn't.  Even having come through one holiday, and taking inventory of what I am thankful for, I feel like I'm missing out.
I put these thoughts aside, and focus on what I have.  I am very fortunate.  I do everything I can to improve things there.  Still I wonder, "what if?".